2008: Lessons and Resolutions

So, 2008 has been one of the most exciting years, yet definitely the most difficult. What have I learned this year?

1. No matter how much time you have on your hands (although I have little), you will never accomplish everything you want to in life. You either accept this or let it drive you mad. The key is to prioritize. Sadly, prioritizing doesn't leave much time for a lot of my hopes and dreams in life. I wish I could devote myself fully to music. However, that would not be practical. Instead, it takes a backseat as more of a hobby. I'm not at all pleased with that, but I do have to accept that songs won't get finished, albums won't get finished right away, etc. This is just one of many examples of work and other plans getting in the way of my desires.

2. This leads me to the next thing I learned. Time will fly by if you're busy, whether it's fun or not. I'm mainly just saying this because I'm disappointed with how busy I've been and how it caused this year to just slide on by. It's time I can never get back and I feel like I lost most of it to my jobs and to my worrying about those jobs.

3. I think I am always going to be the kind of guy who wonders what else is out there, specifically relationship-wise. I find myself feeling some things that are similar to why I broke up with Suzy the first time, however it is mostly a feeling of "I wish I was out sleeping around just because I now know I'm a one-woman man and it bugs me." I love Suzy so much and I never want to lose her. This caused me to realize that I think that no matter what relationship I were to be in, I would always wonder "What if...?". This is the type of feeling you either get over, because you realize you are with the right person, or you carry out your life jumping from empty hookup to empty hookup, feeling just that...empty.

Resolutions

So, what is it that Craig can do to better himself and feel better about himself in 2009?

1. I resolve to stop taking myself so seriously all the time. I feel as though worrying about my job and stressing over everything has made me feel like I'm in my mid-40's already. I don't feel like the guy everyone has fun with or the same old "hilarious" Craig I used to be anymore. It's one of my character traits I think I lost after moving out of my parents' house and it's one I want back. I need to be out there having fun and not feeling old before my time while I'm still young. Hell, I have at least another 5 years in me before I'm going to start feeling "older" at all. I honestly feel like I'm only about 22 years old, and I act like I'm 45; I think part of it is the effect of a 7-year retail job, but at the same time, it is just me letting it get under my skin. Now I complain about how many trips to the car I have to make, how I need 8 hours of sleep to function, etc. It's kind of pathetic and I'm going to work on putting an end to it.

2. More time for music. I love writing music. I love playing music. I want to be on stage again. Instead of working to make all of these things happen, I'm letting it all slip away slowly. Not anymore! I will finish some of the projects I'm working on! I will complete the "band" and take it out to the stage once again! Having a new job should provide for more allowance to do so.

3. Get in the best shape of my life. This time, exercise is not going to be just about losing weight. I have to focus on flattening my stomach and defining myself a lot more. I have evidence that it can work and I'm going to make sure that I'm able to devote at least an hour to it 5 times a week. I'll have to work my way up, but I'm sick of feeling flabby after almost 13 years of being unsatisfied with my self-image. Sure, I feel better now than I ever have and I probably look better than I used to on the outside, but once that shirt comes off, I just feel my self-esteem meter drop. I will be looking amazing in 2009!

The End of 2008: Goodbye and Good Riddance