So, 2008 has been one of the most exciting years, yet definitely the most difficult. What have I learned this year?
1. No matter how much time you have on your hands (although I have little), you will never accomplish everything you want to in life. You either accept this or let it drive you mad. The key is to prioritize. Sadly, prioritizing doesn't leave much time for a lot of my hopes and dreams in life. I wish I could devote myself fully to music. However, that would not be practical. Instead, it takes a backseat as more of a hobby. I'm not at all pleased with that, but I do have to accept that songs won't get finished, albums won't get finished right away, etc. This is just one of many examples of work and other plans getting in the way of my desires.
2. This leads me to the next thing I learned. Time will fly by if you're busy, whether it's fun or not. I'm mainly just saying this because I'm disappointed with how busy I've been and how it caused this year to just slide on by. It's time I can never get back and I feel like I lost most of it to my jobs and to my worrying about those jobs.
3. I think I am always going to be the kind of guy who wonders what else is out there, specifically relationship-wise. I find myself feeling some things that are similar to why I broke up with Suzy the first time, however it is mostly a feeling of "I wish I was out sleeping around just because I now know I'm a one-woman man and it bugs me." I love Suzy so much and I never want to lose her. This caused me to realize that I think that no matter what relationship I were to be in, I would always wonder "What if...?". This is the type of feeling you either get over, because you realize you are with the right person, or you carry out your life jumping from empty hookup to empty hookup, feeling just that...empty.
Resolutions
So, what is it that Craig can do to better himself and feel better about himself in 2009?
1. I resolve to stop taking myself so seriously all the time. I feel as though worrying about my job and stressing over everything has made me feel like I'm in my mid-40's already. I don't feel like the guy everyone has fun with or the same old "hilarious" Craig I used to be anymore. It's one of my character traits I think I lost after moving out of my parents' house and it's one I want back. I need to be out there having fun and not feeling old before my time while I'm still young. Hell, I have at least another 5 years in me before I'm going to start feeling "older" at all. I honestly feel like I'm only about 22 years old, and I act like I'm 45; I think part of it is the effect of a 7-year retail job, but at the same time, it is just me letting it get under my skin. Now I complain about how many trips to the car I have to make, how I need 8 hours of sleep to function, etc. It's kind of pathetic and I'm going to work on putting an end to it.
2. More time for music. I love writing music. I love playing music. I want to be on stage again. Instead of working to make all of these things happen, I'm letting it all slip away slowly. Not anymore! I will finish some of the projects I'm working on! I will complete the "band" and take it out to the stage once again! Having a new job should provide for more allowance to do so.
3. Get in the best shape of my life. This time, exercise is not going to be just about losing weight. I have to focus on flattening my stomach and defining myself a lot more. I have evidence that it can work and I'm going to make sure that I'm able to devote at least an hour to it 5 times a week. I'll have to work my way up, but I'm sick of feeling flabby after almost 13 years of being unsatisfied with my self-image. Sure, I feel better now than I ever have and I probably look better than I used to on the outside, but once that shirt comes off, I just feel my self-esteem meter drop. I will be looking amazing in 2009!
The End of 2008: Goodbye and Good Riddance
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
2008: Over Already...Not Soon Enough (Part I)
So, another year is over and this one has been the quickest one yet. Sadly, I feel as though I lost a good portion of my life to my job(s) and that my lack of free time helped this year slide by and disappear in an instant. However, the outlook for 2009 couldn't be better. I have a new job lined up; starting January 5th. I will now have weekends off and evenings to myself. Plus, more pay to hopefully help me buy a new automobile and get some health insurance again, finally. So, without further ado, here it is (was), by the months, a year in review.
January
I had vowed not to work another retail Christmas; yet things never quite work out the way you plan. By this time, I was miserable in my job at Step 2...still. I had recently received my (last) Christmas bonus from the company and bought myself a brand new guitar. I love it! It was only a few short days after that when I learned that my parents were going to move into my great-uncle's old house. This news had started me in a panic. I knew I did not want to move with them again. I had to find a way into my own apartment, but only on two part-time jobs. The search for a reasonable place began. During this month, I got new glasses (and I still get compliments on them), planned for some trips, and still had ambitions of making an album by the end of the year. Once again, things don't always work out the way you plan. At the time, musically I was into Adrian Belew and all signs pointed to U2's new album coming out in October.
February
Ah, I had finally found the perfect place and signed a lease on February the 29th. I'm currently still living in the same apartment and I love it. The only drawback is that I do not have a laundry machine. I took a trip this month with Suzy to Pennsylvania as a treat to ourselves. This was also a big month for some reasons I won't mention here. Again, the U2 album buzz was rolling in.
March
I moved into my apartment in the first week of March. It only took a couple days to get all my stuff in. Approximately a week later, the biggest snowstorm I can recall living through occurred. It stranded me inside my apartment and I was incredibly bored out of my mind with absolutely nothing to do but sit in here with no internet and no cable TV. I even walked down to the Taco Bell and they were closed. The snowfall had basically started on a Friday night. It was the night my uncle and I traveled up to Cleveland to see The Adrian Belew Power Trio; one of the most amazing concerts I've been to.
April
It was proposed this month that a couple of friends and myself do a one-off gig for a talent show in Akron in May. I didn't know that we could actually do it, but we got together and practiced a cover of Mysterious Ways by U2; trying to get together at least twice a week to make it happen. By the time the show rolled around we seemed pretty well set to put on an adequate performance of the song. I have to admit that this was one of the most exciting times of my life. At the same time I was preparing for my first trip out of the country and my first time on a plane. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't go, yet to this day I'm still paying for the trip (don't get me wrong, I still have no regrets about it). This was my first experience with tanning. It's actually quite a relaxing thing to do and a fun excuse to get naked somewhere else besides your own home.
May
This month was huge for me. On the the first, our talent show gig happened and it was my first time ever on stage playing guitar and singing. I think it went alright, but definitely not one of our best run-throughs of the song. I still want to see the recording of it, if there is one out there. The rush of actually getting to play on stage was great and I hope to do it again soon. The other big event was the trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It was my first time on a plane and out of the country and it was fantastic. I would do it again in a heartbeat...well, in better financial conditions. This was also my first time to a topless beach, which is both a really cool thing and a little bit disturbing thing at the same time.
June
I don't recall much about June, other than I believe that I went to the Spiritualized concert this month with the remaining two active members of the Creamy Nougats. Not bad, not great.
July
July was a rough month. I decided that if there were no job prospects soon, I would give in and just apply for Allstate's entry-level position, since my dad works there. Also, there was a massive "tent sale" at work that I had to work my ass off for four days in a row that drove me to such a point of anxiety that I almost walked off the job. I house and dog sat for Suzy's family and it was also difficult to keep up with. However, I did make enough to buy all 3 U2 remastered albums this month. They are all fantastic.
August
It was during this month that I had applied to Allstate and the process was slow at best. I took a little trip to Columbus to keep Suzy company while she interviewed for a job. It was possible I'd move down there with her if she got the job. In this month, my boss of seven years was fired. I had very mixed feelings about it. It turned out that some things got worse and some things got better, but I still knew one thing: I wanted out bad.
September
I had my interview with Allstate and they told me I got the job. Only problem was that they hire in classes and I "just missed" the last one for 2008. I felt like my last best chance to get out of Step 2 by Christmas had just been squashed and I was crushed. The bad news kept rolling in; U2's new album was officially pushed back to some unknown date in 2009.
October
October 1st was the first day of our new boss at work. Again, mixed feelings, but now I could care less. I was hard at work to prepare for Halloween. My costume this year: Nightcrawler from the x-men. It was definitely one of my more, uh..."revealing" costumes, but it was a lot of fun. I got to cycle through 3 different costumes this year and it was quite enjoyable.
November
So, it was the big idea of the Step 2 company to hold another tent sale. This one every bit as crazy as the last one. I cannot work more than two days of this kind of thing without wanting to slash my wrists. I had to do something to escape this company. Thanksgiving was good as usual; I got to go to 2 of them. I put up my very first own Christmas Tree this month and really started to get in the spirit. I decided it may just be good to stay in my job until I got the usual hefty Christmas Bonus.
December
I received the most crushing news my job has ever dealt out: No Christmas bonus this year! I was so angry that I typed up my two-week notice and almost turned it in the day I heard. How does a company that was still exceeding sales goals up through October suddenly go from giving out 10% or higher raises to 0%?! It seemed as though the timing was just right so that if people didn't like it they wouldn't be able to get out until after the shitty work of the holidays. Damn it, I hate Christmas shopping season. Luckily, I was talked out of turning in my notice right away and received a job offer just about a week later. I felt so good and I left the company tearing off my Step 2 shirt Hulk Hogan style as a sort of liberation ceremony. Christmas was very good, but all the days leading up to it were incredibly hectic. I'm looking forward to calmer, merrier Christmases in the future. Also, Suzy has moved in with me this month. So far, it has been a good decision. That's all folks.
--Stay Tuned for Part II in which I go over what I've learned this year and what my resolutions for 2009 shall be --
January
I had vowed not to work another retail Christmas; yet things never quite work out the way you plan. By this time, I was miserable in my job at Step 2...still. I had recently received my (last) Christmas bonus from the company and bought myself a brand new guitar. I love it! It was only a few short days after that when I learned that my parents were going to move into my great-uncle's old house. This news had started me in a panic. I knew I did not want to move with them again. I had to find a way into my own apartment, but only on two part-time jobs. The search for a reasonable place began. During this month, I got new glasses (and I still get compliments on them), planned for some trips, and still had ambitions of making an album by the end of the year. Once again, things don't always work out the way you plan. At the time, musically I was into Adrian Belew and all signs pointed to U2's new album coming out in October.
February
Ah, I had finally found the perfect place and signed a lease on February the 29th. I'm currently still living in the same apartment and I love it. The only drawback is that I do not have a laundry machine. I took a trip this month with Suzy to Pennsylvania as a treat to ourselves. This was also a big month for some reasons I won't mention here. Again, the U2 album buzz was rolling in.
March
I moved into my apartment in the first week of March. It only took a couple days to get all my stuff in. Approximately a week later, the biggest snowstorm I can recall living through occurred. It stranded me inside my apartment and I was incredibly bored out of my mind with absolutely nothing to do but sit in here with no internet and no cable TV. I even walked down to the Taco Bell and they were closed. The snowfall had basically started on a Friday night. It was the night my uncle and I traveled up to Cleveland to see The Adrian Belew Power Trio; one of the most amazing concerts I've been to.
April
It was proposed this month that a couple of friends and myself do a one-off gig for a talent show in Akron in May. I didn't know that we could actually do it, but we got together and practiced a cover of Mysterious Ways by U2; trying to get together at least twice a week to make it happen. By the time the show rolled around we seemed pretty well set to put on an adequate performance of the song. I have to admit that this was one of the most exciting times of my life. At the same time I was preparing for my first trip out of the country and my first time on a plane. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't go, yet to this day I'm still paying for the trip (don't get me wrong, I still have no regrets about it). This was my first experience with tanning. It's actually quite a relaxing thing to do and a fun excuse to get naked somewhere else besides your own home.
May
This month was huge for me. On the the first, our talent show gig happened and it was my first time ever on stage playing guitar and singing. I think it went alright, but definitely not one of our best run-throughs of the song. I still want to see the recording of it, if there is one out there. The rush of actually getting to play on stage was great and I hope to do it again soon. The other big event was the trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It was my first time on a plane and out of the country and it was fantastic. I would do it again in a heartbeat...well, in better financial conditions. This was also my first time to a topless beach, which is both a really cool thing and a little bit disturbing thing at the same time.
June
I don't recall much about June, other than I believe that I went to the Spiritualized concert this month with the remaining two active members of the Creamy Nougats. Not bad, not great.
July
July was a rough month. I decided that if there were no job prospects soon, I would give in and just apply for Allstate's entry-level position, since my dad works there. Also, there was a massive "tent sale" at work that I had to work my ass off for four days in a row that drove me to such a point of anxiety that I almost walked off the job. I house and dog sat for Suzy's family and it was also difficult to keep up with. However, I did make enough to buy all 3 U2 remastered albums this month. They are all fantastic.
August
It was during this month that I had applied to Allstate and the process was slow at best. I took a little trip to Columbus to keep Suzy company while she interviewed for a job. It was possible I'd move down there with her if she got the job. In this month, my boss of seven years was fired. I had very mixed feelings about it. It turned out that some things got worse and some things got better, but I still knew one thing: I wanted out bad.
September
I had my interview with Allstate and they told me I got the job. Only problem was that they hire in classes and I "just missed" the last one for 2008. I felt like my last best chance to get out of Step 2 by Christmas had just been squashed and I was crushed. The bad news kept rolling in; U2's new album was officially pushed back to some unknown date in 2009.
October
October 1st was the first day of our new boss at work. Again, mixed feelings, but now I could care less. I was hard at work to prepare for Halloween. My costume this year: Nightcrawler from the x-men. It was definitely one of my more, uh..."revealing" costumes, but it was a lot of fun. I got to cycle through 3 different costumes this year and it was quite enjoyable.
November
So, it was the big idea of the Step 2 company to hold another tent sale. This one every bit as crazy as the last one. I cannot work more than two days of this kind of thing without wanting to slash my wrists. I had to do something to escape this company. Thanksgiving was good as usual; I got to go to 2 of them. I put up my very first own Christmas Tree this month and really started to get in the spirit. I decided it may just be good to stay in my job until I got the usual hefty Christmas Bonus.
December
I received the most crushing news my job has ever dealt out: No Christmas bonus this year! I was so angry that I typed up my two-week notice and almost turned it in the day I heard. How does a company that was still exceeding sales goals up through October suddenly go from giving out 10% or higher raises to 0%?! It seemed as though the timing was just right so that if people didn't like it they wouldn't be able to get out until after the shitty work of the holidays. Damn it, I hate Christmas shopping season. Luckily, I was talked out of turning in my notice right away and received a job offer just about a week later. I felt so good and I left the company tearing off my Step 2 shirt Hulk Hogan style as a sort of liberation ceremony. Christmas was very good, but all the days leading up to it were incredibly hectic. I'm looking forward to calmer, merrier Christmases in the future. Also, Suzy has moved in with me this month. So far, it has been a good decision. That's all folks.
--Stay Tuned for Part II in which I go over what I've learned this year and what my resolutions for 2009 shall be --
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Nigh Year's End
So, another chapter came to a close in Craig history today. Parting can be so bittersweet. This time, mostly sweet, however. Everything I wrote about in the past two-posts appears to have come to an end and it is like one giant weight has been lifted from me. I think it pays to be honest and forward with people. I get to live my life with only a distant memory of one of the greatest mindfucks I've ever been a part of. I suppose I'll never get any of my stuff back that was "borrowed" though. Oh well. Here's the part where I say "Don't hesitate to get things off of your chest. You'll be glad you did.". It's about time to start getting rid of all the negative factors in my life. Now, if I can only get this career stuff worked out.
Anyway, my next post will be the 2008 year-in-review...much like I did last year. I can already tell you that this year has been incredibly trying, yet adventurous as well. Alright that's the little preview for it. Stay Tuned.
Anyway, my next post will be the 2008 year-in-review...much like I did last year. I can already tell you that this year has been incredibly trying, yet adventurous as well. Alright that's the little preview for it. Stay Tuned.
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